HJNTIY Theory

I am on an analytical mode after the last post.

Based on the “im not into you” theory, I deduced that Mr Movie Producer is definitely not interested.  

As for Mr Rock Star, I casually mentioned that I think he sees me as a rebound buddy. 

Yes I really told him that on BBM. 

The result? He immediately rang, adamantly protesting that I am not his rebound buddy and promptly asked me for a movie date.

We watched Eat.Pray.Love at 1130pm on a weekday (the same night).

He was dozing for at least half of the movie, and yet when he woke up he just wanted to know if I enjoyed it. I did. He was glad. I was on cloud9 – that is for approximately 12 hours.

 On the 12 hour and 1sec after that he went back into “now you see me, now you don’t” mode. His reason is that he is back in the Studio to cut a new album so he is v occupied now. OK. We shall see if that’s a reason, or excuse. If he’s into me or not. What do u think?

Mr Hotness meanwhile was silent for 2 days after I returned. Not a good sign. He should have been the first to text me when I arrive (just like what my ex did above).  Just as I was about to write him off as a spring fling, he texted me… “hope everything is fine there. Missing you here…J” He then went on to mention a few things abt having to concentrate on his final exams in 3 weeks time and being extremely occupied in the meantime. Ooookay. That’s another reason or excuse?

You may think I am being too analytical or cynical. I am not. I am just being alert to the signs. I am not clueless anymore, and I need to know when to stop daydreaming and move on. Don’t you agree?

Ps: in the end what the book says is plain and simple: guys mean what they say. If they say they’re busy it means they are. If they say they want to go out with you, it means they do. If they don’t say anything about going out with you then they don’t want to go out with you. Simple. If they love you they will tell you and you will know. So far nobody has said anything to that effect so I shall just wait. I will just add Mr Rock Star and Mr Hotness into my KIV list J

Xoxo

The book that changed my (love) life

I was reading Glamour magazine today (UK edition, Oct 2010) and one article stood out from the rest : it’s about the 12 dating mistakes the writer wished she knew when she was 21! The writer is now 31 and the stuffs she listed made me smile and go “holy-molly, this girl sounds like me!”

That made me realise that probably there are millions of “Me” around in the world, clueless and making the same mistakes over and over. I hope they read that article in Glamour and start CHANGING for God’s Sake! J

I won’t list the whole 12 things – go read the mag if u wanna know the full story.  I shall only share the top learning that I WISH I had known 10 years ago:

If a guy likes u, he will tell you he likes you. He will be so into you that you will just know.

Yup, this is SO true. “He’s Not That Into You” – that magical book by Greg Bernhardt is the first time this fact got hammered into my head real hard.  That book changed my life. Overnight. If you haven’t read it yet, then stop reading this blog NOW and go get it. RIGHT NOW! Yes, NOW! Thank you.

Do you want to know how I discovered the book?

Nope, nobody recommended it to me. It just happened to be one of those miraculous moments that you thought would only happen in movies:

It was the evening after the lunatic deranged call I made to my ex-primary-school-scandal at 5 a.m (Read my blog entry on August 29^th,2010) after I found out he got engaged. I was @Kinokuniya, KLCC waiting for my bff for a cuppa coffee and goss session after work (I took EL that day as I was so broken-hearted by the engagement news). As I passed one of the shelves a book fell out and I stooped to pick it up. Yup, you’re right: it’s that book HJNTIY! What are the odds that it fell into my lap, literally?!

I read the title, the back cover and decided to get it to heal my broken heart. 2 years later I still have a broken heart but I guess without that book it could have been worse!

That book taught me that if a guy likes you he will pull all the stops to make you his.

Hmm….. if that’s the case then I must say there was ever only one guy who did that to me.

Oops that’s a lie. The truth is there were a few who was blatantly courting me,. However there was ever only one guy I LOVED who did that to me: my first ex.

He was so into me that even after we broke up he couldn’t let it go. He probably (and we strongly suspected that) even practiced black magic on me to make me go back to him (true story, but let’s save that for another day).  

You know, until today despite everything, I know that he was into me, at least during our honeymoon period:

1.     1. He called to ask me out for coffee even though that time he was in UK and I was in KL (lol!) . Seriously some guys I know in KL can’t even ask me out for a cup of coffee because “too busy with work honey” etc (like Mr Movie Producer guy).

2.       He was the last person to text me goodbye when I boarded the flight out of the country, and his was the first text I got when I switched on my hp once I landed.  Every single time (we were in an LDR – long distance romance).  Erm…. Mr Rock Star guy didn’t even realise I was back from my trip to Aus until I texted him and told him so.  Boo-hoo.

3.       He was complaining about us not spending enough time together and was always bugging me to make space in my calendar for him. ….. LOL. Actually that time when it happened I just moved to UK and was piling on weight (err 10kg extra to be exact!!) so I was desperately avoiding him in an attempt to crash diet! There was no way I was gonna let him see me fat! In the end we only met each other after 2 months of my diet and I lost 5 kg J  ………  You know what, I try hard not to compare anyone with my ex but seriously, with his successors I realise that I am the one who is always looking for a space in their calendar – to steal a bit of “us” time. They are always too busy for me. Hmm…… but Mr Hotness did make some time for me when I was in Aus, more so than I thought. Maybe there’s hope there J

4.       He just wanted me to himself: he always prefer to not “share” me when we go out, ie our “date days” are just the 2 of us, not a double date or going out in a group date. Any outings with our friends will be preceded or prelude with a private moment of just the 2 of us.

Hmm… sounds like the perfect guy huh? So the big question is, why did we break up? Why did I dump him? It’s a long story... let’s just say sometimes love alone isn’t enough, it doesn’t make the world goes round (cliché but true).

xoxo

Friday Blues

I went out with him last night…. And he brought a girl friend. Not GF, just a platonic friend.

That’s alright, but he also mentioned casually during one of our tet-a-tet that he has a GF. This is his exact line “when my girlfriend and I fought, I did this….” IDK whether that’s a generalized statement as in “when couples fight”… or if he was being specific. If he was being specific shouldn’t the sentence go this way “when my ex and I fought, I did this…”?

Anyways whatever it is, as I mentioned previously that sentence and the fact that I was relegated to the backseat in the car (because his girl pal sat in front) didn’t sit very well with my heart. My poor achey breaky heart (is that the right expression?)

Jut to put things into context, his friend (whom he has known since 5 years ago) just arrived in Australia that morning, and spending 4 days to visit him. She finally made the trip there after promising him for so long. In her own words “I have to make it this year because he’s leaving Australia for good in Dec!”

They were frolicking in the sand, hugging and chasing each other. Maybe I exaggerate but that’s how it seems from my point of view :P

Nontheless I am thankful and a bit flattered that he was true on his promise to see me on Thursday and take me around town. His bff (who also joined us) said that I am very lucky to have him with me because he is a very busy guy. Even the guys had to book his diary in advance to make appointments. Awww… sweet.

Still, that doesn’t help to lessen this envious pain in my heart.

Dunno why I feel this great big pang of jealousy when he is just a crush I’ve known for less than a week?! Maybe its PMS (yup today’s my first day) … or maybe I am just tired of living in denial or selective amnesia or pretend oblivion – choose one or all of the above.

He is not the first guy who is “emotionally unavailable” to me – mr A with his trespasser GF, Mr B the Rockstar with his attachment to his past, Mr C who just can’t get out of work mode and now Mr Hotness…. with a probable GF in tow.

I can’t continue doing this to myself, this is self sabotage! 

I must start looking for a man who is single. Absolutely, 100% single with no small prints, disclaimers or emotional attachments to someone other than me. Where is that person? Where can I find him?

Honestly, I haven’t been looking for these emotionally unavailable men, but they managed to find me. Did I have antennae that attract them? How can I realign my signal so that I capture only the right ones?

I am so down. Though I pretend to be happy and have fun and a laugh about it, deep down I feel disappointed every time I saw or find out or hear about the other person. 

The girl for whom their smile, their gaze, their tender caring touch and their heart, soul and future is pledged to. I want to be that girl. Not the other person, outside looking in, forever wishing that it’s me.

Mr B the Rockstar hasn’t contacted me at all while I was in Oz. I am not sure now whether he is into me. Even if he is, I don’t know whether he is free with absolutely no strings attached.

Back to square one huh, B.

Cue ColdPlay The Scientist: “Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it’s gonna be this hard, I’m going back to the start”.

Xoxo